Avoiding Conflict Gives New Meaning to the Adage “Silence is Golden”
August 1, 2014
The Cost of Avoiding Conflict is Very High
Research shows that employees who avoid conflict rather than deal with it cost organizations thousands of dollars. In 2010,
Crucial Conversations author, Joseph Grenney, conducted a study of more than 600 people and found, "... that a shocking 8 percent of employees estimate their avoidance of conflict costs their organization more than $10,000. And, one in 20 employees estimate that over the course of a drawn-out silent conflict, they waste time ruminating about the problem for more than 6 months."
That staggering estimate shows that avoiding conflict
will negatively impact the bottom line. How? The study concludes that, "Employees waste an average of $1,500 and an 8-hour workday for every crucial conversation they avoid."
Impact of High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness
In the Thomas-Kilmann conflict-handling modes model, the relationship between Assertiveness (Y-axis) and Cooperativeness (X-axis) defines whose needs are met and to what extent when a conflict--any difference of opinion--is present.
In a conflict situation, when you are more assertive and less cooperative, you are operating in the Competing Mode. Here, you tend to be more concerned about winning yourself and meeting your own needs over the needs of the other person.
Conversely, when you are highly accommodating, you care more about meeting the needs of the other person instead of your own; and, you couldn't care less about winning yourself.
Depending on the conflict situation and your conversational skill level, each mode has benefits. However, the next time you find yourself facing a conflict, consider that when you avoid having a conversation, no one's needs are met and as a result, both parties lose!
Avoiding: The "I'll Think about It Tomorrow" Approach
Often, people choose to avoid conflict because they do not feel equipped to discuss the situation. Or, they perceive that the consequences are too risky in terms of what they might lose if they initiate the conversation; especially if the other person ranks higher in position or authority. So, what can you do?
Intentionally Choose a Different Conflict Handling Mode by Asking a Simple Question
Next time you find yourself in a conflict situation, choose NOT to avoid but rather engage the other person by asking a simple question; which question you ask depends on your conversational skill level and the situation.
For example, suppose your team has a 5:00 PM deadline for getting your product out the door. One of your co-workers informs you that he will be leaving at 4:45 PM to beat the traffic. Now, unless you truly do not mind his leaving you with the workload, you may feel disrespected, resentful, angry, astonished, or another negative emotion may surface. Yet, if you avoid having the conversation, in silence you are saying, "It's okay to leave me holding the bag. I don't mind at all." With that as your unspoken message, it is likely that this will happen again. So, instead of choosing to
avoid conflict, choose to give voice to your feelings by asking one of these questions:
Accommodating: "Oh, I know you have a long drive and I don't have anything critical to do other than to get this shipment out the door. Would you like me to handle this on my own?"
Compromising: "I do understand that traffic is heavier at 5:00, but what if we see where we are at 4:45 and then decide if you should leave early or stay until we're finished?"
Competing: "Help me to understand ... how do you feel it's fair to leave me to finish the work so you don't have to sit in traffic?"
Collaborating: "Hmm? Based on your decision to leave early, it seems you and I are not giving this task the same priority. Is there a better way to handle this deadline that would allow us both to leave before 5:00 PM?"
Post a Comment:
We'd be interested in knowing how you have handled similar situations in the past. What have you learned from the way you handled it? What would you do differently or the same? What questions do you have about handling conflict more effectively?
Send an Email:
Or, if you prefer, email us at info@teamwidesolutions.com and we'll reply to you directly.
Subscribe
