Handling a Conflict Situation: Your Client vs. You! July 15, 2014

Most people hear the word conflict and immediately think of a shouting match or a fight. Not so! Conflict is really any difference of opinion between you and another person. When you want to go to an Italian restaurant and your spouse prefers a burger joint, that's a conflict.

According to the researchers who developed the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Instrument™ (TKCI), when you find yourself in a conflict situation, you typically have one or two go-to styles that determine how you will deal with most conflicts you encounter.

The TKCI team has identified five conflict-handling modes and they propose that you can learn to choose the best mode for the situation that you are facing. The choice you make depends on how much you want to meet your own needs (assertiveness) versus how willing you are to meet the other person's needs (cooperativeness). The higher your assertiveness, the more you are concerned with your own needs. And the higher your cooperativeness, you are more interest in meeting the needs of the other person.

When You Have Conflict with a Client! Uh-oh!

Choosing the right conflict-handling mode also depends on how skilled you are at using that mode and the situation. So, let's take a situation that involves a conflict between you and your client. Imagine you are closing in on a very tight deadline to meet the client's VIPS (very important project schedule). You and your team have invested lots of time and effort and are about to put a bow on it, when you get a call from your client. He has changed his mind and he wants you to change the logo on the 500 mailers that have already been printed. You are astounded by this 11th-hour request considering the tight budget, looming deadline, and the client's past insistence that the logo cannot be changed, despite your repeated recommendations to do so.

What do you do? Which conflict mode do you choose?

For this example, let's consider choosing either Competing or Accommodating. If you chose Competing, you would dig in your heels and outright refuse (nicely, of course). Or, if you were more concerned about meeting the client's needs than your own, you might choose Accommodating.

Competing: The My Way or the Highway Approach

Choose this mode when you have limited time and/or resources and you feel that you have no other way to go. Even though your client may be unhappy with your decision to deny his request, you have to take a firm stand. To use this mode effectively, you need to assert your position or influence. Perhaps ask your client to invite his boss to the conversation and the three of you can discuss the pros and cons. Or, remind your client, that he will have to explain the delay to his boss because changing the logo means there is no way to meet the deadline. Before you choose this mode, be sure that your debating skills are sharp, be clear that you will not waiver on your decision, and be mindful of the consequences that may result from your decision.

Accommodating: The It Will be My Pleasure Approach

So, if this is a new client or one that you need to impress, perhaps you should take the time explore what options might be possible. Can you call in favors to expedite the change? Together, can you find a way to shift the deadline? What other resources might be able to help you? In choosing this mode, you may have to be selfless and forgo your own desires. Are you willing to miss your kid's soccer game? When using this mode, remember to establish boundaries and set expectations so the client understands that you are accommodating his request this time--knowing that you may have to choose the Competing mode should this happen again.

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When You Have Conflict with a Client! Uh-oh!

What do you do? Which conflict mode do you choose?

Competing: The My Way or the Highway Approach

Accommodating: The It Will be My Pleasure Approach