At a recent workshop, we introduced two communication tools: The Breakthru Conversations™ model and the Creating WE Trust Gauge™. 

Referencing both tools, we shared with the attendees our step-by-step process for having a Breakthru Conversation while measuring the level of trust before, during, and after the conversation. We developed this process with the understanding that most people will avoid having a difficult conversation (especially when the stakes are really high) because they fear the risk of losing something - be it their job, a relationship, a customer, or their own status.

In many cases, the avoidance of a conversation results in more strain and stress between the people involved. The first step involves setting the context for the conversation and stating the desired outcome. Instead of saying, "Mary, come to my office. I want to talk to you about something!" In crease the trust level by saying, "Mary, I noticed that you have been late every day this week, I'd like to find out if you're okay and if you can commit to getting here on time from now on. Can you come to my office now?" By setting the context in that way, you reduce the fear and increase the trust, so the outcome is more likely to be positive.

Depending on your history with the other person, the words and tone may change based on the comfort level (really the trust level) between the two of you. In fact, researchers tell us that when measuring the impact of a conversation, words account for only 7% of the pie; tone of voice is 38%, and body language is 55%.

So, say it your own way, but be sure to consider where you are on the measure of trust when you begin and end the conversation. Then, you will know if you can cut out the fluff!